Monday, February 13, 2017

A few random short word combos

There is a hidden Corner in the nethers of my mind. A dark dank hole of comfort where I will often climb. It's air is stank and musty. it's chairs will comfort none. But this is where I choose to go when facing anyone. The lion we know May tear our soul and maul our oft scarred skin but he is the case I'd rather face than his foreign beastly kin. Pain is comfort when we know the ends of its sharp daggers. More pleasing to know then some new foe who carries fortune or leaves us in tatters

---------------------------------------


Here is your horse.   Train it.  Ride it.  Kill it. 

Here is a bridle.  No you fool do not stick it in the mouth make a noose.  Choke it out. 


There there. Good.   Your horse lies dead.  What a good boy.   

Damn.   It awakes.    It's immortal 

------------------------------------

Ahh.  I see you have a beautiful black stallion.  You have taken such good care of it.  You must be proud.  

"But no. My horse is this white stallion over here."

My boy I am so proud of you. Look at the sheen on its black coat.   So perfect.   So strong.  Look at it's muscles. 

"No don't you listen. I have this white Stallion. I take it out riding every day and I feed it and I brush it and I love it so"

Ah the black mane.  There is no fear in the eyes of this prime specimen.  

"Listen to me!  LISTEN! That is my brothers horse.  Look at mine. I have worked so hard on it.  Be proud of me"


Oh. Well.  It is white.   I do not like to look at such beasts.   It's defective.  It's coat will pick up dust.   I'm sorry son. The only thing to do with your horse is make it a gelding.  We'll do it right away.

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Hoops for Jumping

You taught me how to shoot hoops since I was two

Love the game it’s just what our people  do

Early morning in that cold church wood floor court

Ball bounces the words we spoke


Wasn’t the best, but I made the team

8th grade, locker room full of steam

Why do I look at my friends that way

Quick look down, who knows what they’ll say


I learned all the loves from the family

To drive and dish and be so manly

But the details started emerging

What’s this feeling? What’s this yearning


His name was clark and he had a dark tanned back

Smile so sweet, and not an ounce of fat

When I defended him it was so very nice

Locker room sweat was my favorite spice.


What kind of freak am I with this feeling

What are these creepy glances that I’m stealing

If I would just make out with that chick named Kelly

The the flow’r would grow inside my belly


How couldn’t I see what I was inside

How did my young mind know what to hide

How was I ignorant of what I was

Staring in class at his awesome buzz


High school came, lettered in Football Hoops and track

Pres of the school, was joe cool, that’s a fact

After I graduated came the fall

When I realized the meaning of it all.


So I just like guys, like they like girls

Seems so nasty, breaks all the rules

But it fits right into my story

At least I found out before I’m forty


Years later I’m still full of the self hate

Decades and I still haven’t done a date

Is it training or some holy call

That keeps me standing counting stalls


I don’t know what to do, or where to turn to

Dad taught me all the rules but I burn to

Have a friend, a pal, and prime confidant

The memories still at night haunt.

Have I thrown enough days away

Are there games still to learn to play

Ladders to run on an cold gym floor

Workout with music until I’m sore.

This is halftime.   I don’t know where I’ll

End up next quarter, it may be foul

What game is this that I’ve been playing

Which coach to listen to what they’re saying

This is half time I don’t know where I’ll

End up next quarter, it may be foul

Which game is it that I’ve been playing


What coach should I listen to what they’re saying

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Four Corners


Four corners enclose the world. A swath of wood grain is the ground.
Here i die, but am safe. Here i steal, but am innocent. Here i lie, but my honor remains.
I seek your destruction, but remain your friend.
Outside these corners is different. The rule book vague. Do i make eye contact as they pass?
Do i say Hello to the one my heart latches to? Am i too eager? Am i not committed? Outside
the corners judgment is longer than a day and half the time rendered with secret verdict, of laws
unknown.
I suppose it's an adventure. But you begin to write your own rules, the ones that seem to make
sense, then they are broken, by someone who hadn't read them. No book to appeal to.
Outside the corners is dangerous.
But here i am. Tuesday night, and the corners protect once again.
I own the world. I made you laugh. I made a poor trade.
But I always know what i should be doing. And failure is never final.
I know the four corners will only last so long. Someday the population will be 1. But here i am
safe. Here i am loved. Here my purpose is clear.
His name was Logan. We met. I didn't know what to do. We were outside the corners. Dice
rolls are much more dangerous here. Suddenly, i had a goal . To make him my best friend.
In the corners you throw all your resources into accomplishing your goal. Outside, you cannot.
But i did. At first it was fine. The rules in his book seemed to go along with mine. But i was
ignoring mine.
Guidance after guidance i disregarded. I did not want to worry about the resources poured into
this. I did not want to worry about what else i was letting lay fallow.
My goal was him.
I didn't catch him. He was uncatchable. Our winning conditions did not align. My winning
condition was impossible.
He had a girl in his sights.
Well, maybe, he will be ok with my odd winning conditions.
I lost. He left. 6 months of silence.
Then we chatted again. A new rules book was written. He had my heart, but i would proscribe
outer actions of love.
I would follow the rules, silently agreed upon.
And the friendship is good.
Sometimes i think of the pain i had when he left.
Sometimes i think of the pain of not knowing my winning condition.
Sometimes i think of the solace i find in those four corners. Where for a moment purpose
becomes clear. Where for a moment, i don't have to wonder what book to follow. where i am
peace.

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Lil' Dark Eyes

No one fears those dark, little eyes those dark chocolate eyes, those dark talking eyes

No one fears your bright little eyes 
Full of life and joy

No one stops those dark little eyes, those dark probing eyes, those dark darting eyes 

No one stops those dark puppy eyes as you walk in through the door

No one thought those dark sullen eyes, those dark shifty, eyes those dark evil eyes

No one thought those dark killing eyes would leave bodies on the floor

No one caught those dark baby eyes, those dark trusting eyes, those dark toddler eyes.  

No one caught those dark demon eyes as you play with other boys

Monday, October 10, 2016

A Poem for the Dark



Ten
The bodies scurry away,
Nine
They think it's a game they're about to play,
Eight
They find a hole in which to hide,
Seven
Quietly, the innocent abide.
Six
The demon-thief will take from them,
Five
The mother's dreams--what might have been,
Four
Their stifled giggles would not emit,
Three
If their stalker's face were lit.
Two
But have a final laugh little
one.
Ready or not, here i come.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Dead Man Walking

I thought I saw you today

The naked profile of smooth head

It looked like you walking my way

The massive jowls hung like yours

But your joyful maw was not what I saw but a cold mistrustful face

At once I knew it could not be you for there was kindness in your wake.

You've been gone for so long that my mind ought to have sorted out

That the men passing by have yet to die so marking one as you is out

But the hole in my soul still pulls quick sand in.

And will never be filled til after I'm killed and high five your paw once again.

I let him pass by this impostering guy   And paid him no further mind

But the memories of you painfully joyful and true are the unyielding kind

Gaybraham

The stone slab is waiting. It's surface empty.   I deposit my relationship on it.   But I do not light the fire.     Here God.  I give it to you.   I cannot read my feelings well enough but I trust in how I was raised.  So while I do not kill this sweet tender caring relationship I leave it here on the alter for you.   I leave a tender embrace after a trial.  I leave the first "good morning" of  day as well as the evening's final "good night". I leave the strength of two.  I leave the comfort of belonging.  I leave unity.  I leave the kiss.  I leave rough housing and playful pranks.  I leave comedy with an audience of two.  I leave a partner in old age. I leave a lovers eulogy.  I leave it all for you.  

 You may burn it  or you may return it.

I leave.  I do not wait your decision.  You know where to find me.