Thursday, June 22, 2017

Response

While it is true I have affinity for glorious masculinity I don't think you can get rid of me without approaching divinity who will rebuke your bigotry and years of bitter enmity and when we see electricity no doubt you think it aims for me but cut short you despotic glee for the smoke shall issue forth from thee

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Letter to a Friend's Girlfriend

I send a request without hope of redress  that you may have some mercy.

You own the  heart of a man I care for.  we were just friends but I had settled for that tiny sliver of my yearning.

In the times of lower conscious he is so much more but I knew he wouldn't give it to me I was a magnet he is just a piece of iron. But I was fine with just friendship and then you came in and took it like  ten thousand women before you, you've taken my friend's attention.

You two are compatible; the magnetism goes both ways. I don't want to deny my friend a match.  I cannot and  our unspoken agreement was just for friendship after all.

But I would hope every now and then you could enjoy a night out with the girls and I could have my friend again. it's in your hands I know I can't win this fight so  I just beg  for Mercy.

 Even the dogs sometimes getting scraps from the table.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Gay man; Straight Mormon



Gay man, conservative mormon.  Our labels say we should hate.

Gay man, lonely.   Needing a way to fill time.

Straight friend.   Can i say that?   You don't care that i find that guy hot?

Oh my did you just say that.  I should be offended, but I'm not.

It's funny.  They said all i wanted was a man I could kiss.   But i found a friend and the sex wasn't missed.

What they hell. I am at peace here.   It's not like I've changed my loves.  But i found something totally different.  A brother, who liked who i was.

Gay man,  straight mormon.  Somehow this healed my wounds.  

Gay man; straight mormon.   You left so soon.

Frisbee, cemeteries and holes in the ground. The good old out of doors

Games, movies, and fish raw.  The things indoor.

Gay man.  Straight mormon.  Our labels can go to hell.  

You don't care if I'm fat or ugly.   You don't care if i like to swear.

Was it your God or mine that made us friends.  I guess it might be the same after all.

Gay man, straight mormon.   Fu-- eff them we'll just be bros.

The hole you left is painful.  .  I don't have a rush to close it.   It doesn't need to heal.

Bro-man.  Bro-man.  I'll reserve a part of my heart.   Someday i may find a lover. But he doesn't get that part. 

Monday, February 13, 2017

A few random short word combos

There is a hidden Corner in the nethers of my mind. A dark dank hole of comfort where I will often climb. It's air is stank and musty. it's chairs will comfort none. But this is where I choose to go when facing anyone. The lion we know May tear our soul and maul our oft scarred skin but he is the case I'd rather face than his foreign beastly kin. Pain is comfort when we know the ends of its sharp daggers. More pleasing to know then some new foe who carries fortune or leaves us in tatters

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Here is your horse.   Train it.  Ride it.  Kill it. 

Here is a bridle.  No you fool do not stick it in the mouth make a noose.  Choke it out. 


There there. Good.   Your horse lies dead.  What a good boy.   

Damn.   It awakes.    It's immortal 

------------------------------------

Ahh.  I see you have a beautiful black stallion.  You have taken such good care of it.  You must be proud.  

"But no. My horse is this white stallion over here."

My boy I am so proud of you. Look at the sheen on its black coat.   So perfect.   So strong.  Look at it's muscles. 

"No don't you listen. I have this white Stallion. I take it out riding every day and I feed it and I brush it and I love it so"

Ah the black mane.  There is no fear in the eyes of this prime specimen.  

"Listen to me!  LISTEN! That is my brothers horse.  Look at mine. I have worked so hard on it.  Be proud of me"


Oh. Well.  It is white.   I do not like to look at such beasts.   It's defective.  It's coat will pick up dust.   I'm sorry son. The only thing to do with your horse is make it a gelding.  We'll do it right away.

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Hoops for Jumping

You taught me how to shoot hoops since I was two

Love the game it’s just what our people  do

Early morning in that cold church wood floor court

Ball bounces the words we spoke


Wasn’t the best, but I made the team

8th grade, locker room full of steam

Why do I look at my friends that way

Quick look down, who knows what they’ll say


I learned all the loves from the family

To drive and dish and be so manly

But the details started emerging

What’s this feeling? What’s this yearning


His name was clark and he had a dark tanned back

Smile so sweet, and not an ounce of fat

When I defended him it was so very nice

Locker room sweat was my favorite spice.


What kind of freak am I with this feeling

What are these creepy glances that I’m stealing

If I would just make out with that chick named Kelly

The the flow’r would grow inside my belly


How couldn’t I see what I was inside

How did my young mind know what to hide

How was I ignorant of what I was

Staring in class at his awesome buzz


High school came, lettered in Football Hoops and track

Pres of the school, was joe cool, that’s a fact

After I graduated came the fall

When I realized the meaning of it all.


So I just like guys, like they like girls

Seems so nasty, breaks all the rules

But it fits right into my story

At least I found out before I’m forty


Years later I’m still full of the self hate

Decades and I still haven’t done a date

Is it training or some holy call

That keeps me standing counting stalls


I don’t know what to do, or where to turn to

Dad taught me all the rules but I burn to

Have a friend, a pal, and prime confidant

The memories still at night haunt.

Have I thrown enough days away

Are there games still to learn to play

Ladders to run on an cold gym floor

Workout with music until I’m sore.

This is halftime.   I don’t know where I’ll

End up next quarter, it may be foul

What game is this that I’ve been playing

Which coach to listen to what they’re saying

This is half time I don’t know where I’ll

End up next quarter, it may be foul

Which game is it that I’ve been playing


What coach should I listen to what they’re saying

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Four Corners


Four corners enclose the world. A swath of wood grain is the ground.
Here i die, but am safe. Here i steal, but am innocent. Here i lie, but my honor remains.
I seek your destruction, but remain your friend.
Outside these corners is different. The rule book vague. Do i make eye contact as they pass?
Do i say Hello to the one my heart latches to? Am i too eager? Am i not committed? Outside
the corners judgment is longer than a day and half the time rendered with secret verdict, of laws
unknown.
I suppose it's an adventure. But you begin to write your own rules, the ones that seem to make
sense, then they are broken, by someone who hadn't read them. No book to appeal to.
Outside the corners is dangerous.
But here i am. Tuesday night, and the corners protect once again.
I own the world. I made you laugh. I made a poor trade.
But I always know what i should be doing. And failure is never final.
I know the four corners will only last so long. Someday the population will be 1. But here i am
safe. Here i am loved. Here my purpose is clear.
His name was Logan. We met. I didn't know what to do. We were outside the corners. Dice
rolls are much more dangerous here. Suddenly, i had a goal . To make him my best friend.
In the corners you throw all your resources into accomplishing your goal. Outside, you cannot.
But i did. At first it was fine. The rules in his book seemed to go along with mine. But i was
ignoring mine.
Guidance after guidance i disregarded. I did not want to worry about the resources poured into
this. I did not want to worry about what else i was letting lay fallow.
My goal was him.
I didn't catch him. He was uncatchable. Our winning conditions did not align. My winning
condition was impossible.
He had a girl in his sights.
Well, maybe, he will be ok with my odd winning conditions.
I lost. He left. 6 months of silence.
Then we chatted again. A new rules book was written. He had my heart, but i would proscribe
outer actions of love.
I would follow the rules, silently agreed upon.
And the friendship is good.
Sometimes i think of the pain i had when he left.
Sometimes i think of the pain of not knowing my winning condition.
Sometimes i think of the solace i find in those four corners. Where for a moment purpose
becomes clear. Where for a moment, i don't have to wonder what book to follow. where i am
peace.

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Lil' Dark Eyes

No one fears those dark, little eyes those dark chocolate eyes, those dark talking eyes

No one fears your bright little eyes 
Full of life and joy

No one stops those dark little eyes, those dark probing eyes, those dark darting eyes 

No one stops those dark puppy eyes as you walk in through the door

No one thought those dark sullen eyes, those dark shifty, eyes those dark evil eyes

No one thought those dark killing eyes would leave bodies on the floor

No one caught those dark baby eyes, those dark trusting eyes, those dark toddler eyes.  

No one caught those dark demon eyes as you play with other boys