Thursday, September 23, 2010

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Evergreen random notes.

I Am. An appropriate name for someone who has taken it all upon Him. Whatever we feel He feels whatever we are he is , through experience in Gethsemene.

Not to say He is gay or he is a cancer patient or a prisoner of war or whatever trial you want., but to say He knows what it means to be one. He has felt everthing we have. Our joys our sorrows our hope our trepidation our loneliness our feelings of rejection. That is the essence of I Am. He knows it all. He is.

Many Trials are blessings. If God didn't want me to have ssa i wouldn't.

We are blessed-child of God- ssa can drive so stay close to the Lord-master behaviors thoughts and feelings- we are ment to assist each other

Bishop McMullin-evergreen has come far- highly charged group. Everyone has strong feelings on it. Much less is known about causes then is purported. Contest of opinions- increased acceptance of ssa makes it more difficult to stay faithful. Did he just speak as if gay marriage is inevitable? And things will get more difficult for those striving to be faithful-prophets are still watchmen-

To the leaders- doctrines of keyness- problems do not make us special. Don't define myself by the problem-God does not speak of us as a category but as a person. Don't use gay as me. I am not consigned to live the gay lifestyle. We are divine Sons of God-mortal conditions immortal possibilities- speak of intimate things with reverence- common or unclean-what God hath cleansed do not call common. he sees our potential. This is a mortal condition-sga by itself is neither good or bad. If the result is good friendships it is good. Thorn in the flesh- susceptibility does not enable born this way as a defense. Paul didn't lose his thorn. When i am weak i am strong.

Saw i am statue.he knows how to succor. We are all born pure- we can all improve-trials can be de humanizing- we will be blessed-God does NOT make it impossible to be moral-God denies none in comes to him. Priesthood blesses us.leaders can speak in name of the Lord- as man is God was as God is man can be-Saviour of all creation-he redeemes-church is not just social or just a church it is kingdom of God. When prophet speaks the debate ends.we all have

vexations that will leave someday-

How can Pain sanctify?

Marriage is possible but doesn't fix this

Men and women attraction is different. And not related for sure

Porn can mess you up badly


Monday, September 13, 2010

Ramblings of My Brain at the Matis Fireside

So many promptings to share what God wants not what the speakers want-

follow the spirit. It may be life or death. Christ the gives of

every good gift . He can soothe-

life can be so hard for everyone-

i am not unique in my trial but i am loved-when we are alone the Saviour knows us-

lighter burdens li ke after indy and red blessed me-

give of this mountain, the Lord will be with me-you have good around this mountain long enough-he allows time for growing-

thou hast lacked nothing-i am strong give me this mountain-would i give up this trial if i had to lose all this learning? No- Temple is for safety-dc76 1-lead people with problems closer to the Saviour.

He can fix problems we can't- responsibility to tell what we've learned of God-whose am i-moyle temple mason-

sacrifice to fill our purpose-holy is set apart for sacred purpose-he that is able to keep you from falling-them was Sunday, September 12, 2010the last time had an answer to prayer or scriptures-glass of cold water to a little one parable matthew 10-law of witnesses-

Saturday, September 11, 2010

I am sparticus

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Wow, is this really happening

Since August two friends that I deal with on a near daily basis know about my SSA. I don't have time for a full write up but just wanted to write about two incidences that showed me how lucky I am.

With school starting I've had my anxiety and ssa in overdrive. So many new attractive guys, and I still am not comfortable with the fact that I find them attractive. Things had gotten really bad, I was in a cycle of despair that was hard to climb out of. So Sunday I sent a text to both of them, Red and Indy, asking for a blessing. I've gotten blessings before when the depression is bad and it really helps. They both came over, we talked about the trials a little bit, how i was feeling, they offered some suggestions, then Red gave a prayer, then Indy was voice for the blessing.

I'm not going to say what was said, but it was powerful and personal. To be in this position after years of being alone, and avoiding friendships with men because I thought that was the way to overcome ssa, to have two great friends that I can call upon, who don't treat me any different, and that I can occasionally beat in Mario Kart is a miracle in my life, and a tender mercy.

Number two.

For Labor Day we had a marathon Mario Kart session, probably 3 hours or more. As it went on things got intense and Indy started calling things "gay" such as when a shell would hit him or something.

I'll admit, my feelings on using "gay" as term for something stupid have changed. I used to use it, then recently I stopped, and it really started to bother me. So I told Red this last Spring. I am usually able to brush it off, but when people I care about use it over and over with intensity like Indy was, it starts to get to me a little. When we were done racing they both started talking in Portuguese, which I don't know.

Then yesterday, Indy comes and apologizes for using it, i told him it was a habit i had to break, and things were good. I know its a small thing, but it makes a big difference.

One of the things said in the blessing was that God has put people in my life, I'm sure these friends are two of them

Thanks be to God, and his sons.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Thank you Father for two great friends.