Monday, September 2, 2013

Again? I thought i already came out

Lots of fun stuff going on lately.  Some down, but mostly up.


Not gonna get in all of it, but after i got back from JiM i felt a few times that i might be supposed to make a voices of hope video.


Which brings up a side question of how the fam would like that.


TANGENT


so the week up in the homestead was fun.  Saw the icebro a few times.  Way fun, he photo’d the fam for a website and we went to Westland.  Saw a rodeo.  Dad decided i need a “grand endeavor”  and he is right.  I’ve been thinking about focusing on a novel, a website for readers, or getting a degree in recreational management so i can run programs.  Haven't decided yet.   Fun times with the Fam.  Got a little bogged down.   Need to make sure we don’t say mean, sarcastic things… or remember that they probably are not being mean, but are trying to get banter going--like men are wont to do.


So, kdog asked me on facebook to think about a voices of hope video.  He thought i “was ready”  whatever that means.


But considering what i’ve gone through, and how much people have helped me through their  videos, i decided to consider it.  


So it was part of my fast yesterday.  That and to find a way to pay my tithing, so i can get back to the temple.


Anyway, in ward council the idea first popped into my head.  I put it off.  Then it came up again in sacrament meeting--the idea being that i need to bear testimoney about SSA in the ward.


Odd.  I was not pleased.  I already did this last year, I don’t want the people i know to think that i am in your face about it. And i didn’t want the new peopl, which was over half, to have their introduction to the stoic russet be that i liked men.  I mean i’m ok with people knowing… but like to get to know them better first.


Well it kept being on my mind.  I was also legitimately afriad that I was doing it for attention.  


I decided to try to put it on someone else.  Texted Bro C-T who was presiding.  He was not all that helpful.  Didn’t respond, but MV did.  Said, don’t ever ignore a prompting.  So i did.


Went up there, not near as nervous this time, but still plenty nervous.  Read the fourth verse of Reverently and Meekly Now
 
4. At the throne I intercede;
For thee ever do I plead.
 have loved thee as thy friend,
With a love that cannot end.
Be obedient, I implore,
Prayerful, watchful evermore,
And be constant unto me,
That thy Savior I may be.

 Then bore testimony directly about how it is possible to live the gospel with SSA and be happy.  That it and all our trials or whatever we want to call them can be hard, but we don’t have to be miserable and sad through them.  That we can hold on to the iron rod, but still find joy in our journey.


It was good.  I felt the Spirit, and i can’t deny that God was prompting me or at least didn’t care to stop me.  


Went out, speed walked around the gym came back

Not many people said stuff after.  Which was ok. a few did.     But after sunday school and during break the fast a lot of people thanked me.  A lot of the new people.  So… who knows, nothing bad so it’s good right...yeah i think it is.  Felt way nervous and anxious after and even into the n* fireside.  But it was good.  I’m glad i did it.  I just have to maked sure i’m still going out there to get to know people, and not staying on the sideline because i’m afraid of what they are thinking.  No bad reactions.. even sat at a table with 5 new guys and made some hecka funny jokes.