Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Wow, is this really happening

Since August two friends that I deal with on a near daily basis know about my SSA. I don't have time for a full write up but just wanted to write about two incidences that showed me how lucky I am.

With school starting I've had my anxiety and ssa in overdrive. So many new attractive guys, and I still am not comfortable with the fact that I find them attractive. Things had gotten really bad, I was in a cycle of despair that was hard to climb out of. So Sunday I sent a text to both of them, Red and Indy, asking for a blessing. I've gotten blessings before when the depression is bad and it really helps. They both came over, we talked about the trials a little bit, how i was feeling, they offered some suggestions, then Red gave a prayer, then Indy was voice for the blessing.

I'm not going to say what was said, but it was powerful and personal. To be in this position after years of being alone, and avoiding friendships with men because I thought that was the way to overcome ssa, to have two great friends that I can call upon, who don't treat me any different, and that I can occasionally beat in Mario Kart is a miracle in my life, and a tender mercy.

Number two.

For Labor Day we had a marathon Mario Kart session, probably 3 hours or more. As it went on things got intense and Indy started calling things "gay" such as when a shell would hit him or something.

I'll admit, my feelings on using "gay" as term for something stupid have changed. I used to use it, then recently I stopped, and it really started to bother me. So I told Red this last Spring. I am usually able to brush it off, but when people I care about use it over and over with intensity like Indy was, it starts to get to me a little. When we were done racing they both started talking in Portuguese, which I don't know.

Then yesterday, Indy comes and apologizes for using it, i told him it was a habit i had to break, and things were good. I know its a small thing, but it makes a big difference.

One of the things said in the blessing was that God has put people in my life, I'm sure these friends are two of them

Thanks be to God, and his sons.


  1. Its great to have friends! My best friend is straight. I came out to him early in our friendship, and he couldn't be any more supportive. Its to the point now we forget there is any kind of an issue.

    And by the way I'd love to take you on in Mario Kart! HAHA!

    Take care!

  2. Congrats on your blessings. The prayer, the laying on of hands, the friendships, the games, the apology. You are greatly blessed by your gay and straight friends, as am I.