Monday, March 7, 2011

Two Year Review

Its time for me to renew my temple recommend. I started the process yesterday with a bishopric member. Its always a time for introspection and reflection. For me it was neat to reflect on how i've changed in the last two years, and even further back.

The question "do you live the law of chastity" used to strike fear in my soul. How could I answer in teh affirmative with my SGA. I used to make my bishops talk me into saying yes, because I was so afraid of what would happen if I did. I would make sure they knew about my "disgusting" thoughts, my "obsessions"

Those were terms I used to describe my SGA. I wasn't ready to admit it was part of me.

The bishops reacted with love, confusion, and muted disgust. I don't hold the disgust against them, they controlled it. I wasn't always perfect in my chastity observance, but i was doing so much better than i gave myself credit for. I feared these meetings, i put off renewing the interviews, until i could go months without "improper" thoughts.

Even as recent as two years ago, I did these things. I told the bishop all of it as usual. He was loving, worked with me, helped me feel worthy.

But yesterday I was finally free from that doubt and fear. I didn't care when the secretary offered a counselor to do the interview instead of the bishop. He asked me the questions. When he got to the chastity one I replied with a firm yes. I'm worthy, I keep God's law, and keep my passions within the bounds that He has set.

Gone was the fear, or the uncertainty. I am living as he wants me to. At least in this section of my life. I can enter His house, and do His work.

My bishop gets release in May, and for the first time in over a decade, i won't feel the need to tell the new bishop about my SGA. I may do it, especially as an offer to help others that struggle, but I don't need to.

I'm a Mormon, and I have Same-Gender Attraction

1 comment: