Wednesday, May 22, 2013

A few connected posts on family stuff

Written a few days ago

I'm losing my connection to my family
my parents and i have some strong disagreements on how i'm dealing with my sga.

The points aren't too important. i'm still committed to the gospel, i just want support groups and activities.

My parents don't want me to tell anyone, even my siblings. Mom things it "tear the family apart"  She called me after i sent her a copy of my last post.  not good. 

anyway. It kinda sucks. I still tell my parents i love them, but it seems like we are all dancing around this issue. I am not going back to the closet where i'm ruled by shame and hate. I've told many friends, and gotten good support. I still want to tell my siblings, but i'm not sure if i should respect the parents wishes.

Heck maybe they'll all despise their yewt brother. maybe the parents are right

Written last night

Well I told my parents that I felt that I really needed to tell my siblings. I laid out the reasons; like that I needed to real to tell the people most important to me what my problems were and why I wasn't getting married.

It went okay they still talked to great deal about the temple--which I agree with. I need to go to the temple. But I think that other things i needs to do as well to help me deal with this. And i still only got 20% of the talking in when i initiated the conversation.

Mom said how she had felt really negative when she read my letter. Dad told her she needs to be sure that her feelings were from God and not from herself. I was nice to have him stand up for me. That was the best part of it all.

In the end mom told me to not do anything too hasty. And I didn't agree to a long long drawn out fasting and prayer but I did agree to get a confirmation in the temple so that's what to do next week as soon as i get my recommend back and I feel good about that.

So once i get the confirmation or lack of a 'NO" i'll go forward with it.

Written now

Well, I'm  still a little frustrated, but we're on track.  Dad supported me.  Just gotta move forward.
But life is so hard sometimes.  I hope i can get over this shame inside of me, cause it really hurts.