Monday, November 18, 2013

Family Prayers

Shaking Sobbing, the mother dampens her pillow.

My son, the golden one, lost.  God bless him, he runs from you.  God bless him I don’t know what to do.  You’re all I need, and so should he be friends with you for eternity.

I’m scared for him.  He hurts so much.  Please take this curse away from him. Take this curse and stop the sin. I’m losing, he's slipping, he’ll be gone soon.  God save him, help me reach him.  Keep him from sin

The path to God, is straight and clear.  There’s only one way, and that’s what I most fear.  That he will leave.  That he won’t stay.  That he will try to get there by some other way. 

Boy. Man. Marriage. Child.  That’s the path for him.  That’s the path away from Sin.  Any other way, and he is falling prey, to lies and darkness he’s the devils prey.


Burning, yearning the son is full of passion.  Striving, to learn, striving to understand. 

He yells at God.  He is angry.  But he has started to know.  If the supreme being of the universe wanted to take it away, He could.  But he doesn’t.  There is something to learn here.

God why, God, I feel your love.  What is the path with this trial.  Why do they not understand.  Why do they feel I’m lost, and falling, when I feel I’m progressing.  Lord you are all I need…but I think you want more for me.  I think you want me to figure out this life.  This life of unscratchable itch.  To navigate it.  To love it. While not lusting in it.

God, I am Gay.  I don’t know what made me this way.  God.  I love you so, even though I curse your name from down below.  I am finding my way.  I am finding my way, I am with you today, and forever I pray

Thursday, November 14, 2013


I hear a lot of different opinions on marriage for ssa/gay mormons. 

Some saying the church says not to get married, some saying that it can fix it.

I appreciate this quote from Elder Oaks.  It aligns with where i stand

"PUBLIC AFFAIRS: Is heterosexual marriage ever an option for those with homosexual feelings?
ELDER OAKS: We are sometimes asked about whether marriage is a remedy for these feelings that we have been talking about. President Hinckley, faced with the fact that apparently some had believed it to be a remedy, and perhaps that some Church leaders had even counseled marriage as the remedy for these feelings, made this statement: “Marriage should not be viewed as a therapeutic step to solve problems such as homosexual inclinations or practices.” To me that means that we are not going to stand still to put at risk daughters of God who would enter into such marriages under false pretenses or under a cloud unknown to them. Persons who have this kind of challenge that they cannot control could not enter marriage in good faith.
On the other hand, persons who have cleansed themselves of any transgression and who have shown their ability to deal with these feelings or inclinations and put them in the background, and feel a great attraction for a daughter of God and therefore desire to enter marriage and have children and enjoy the blessings of eternity — that’s a situation when marriage would be appropriate.
President Hinckley said that marriage is not a therapeutic step to solve problems."

Which means, i might get married, but i don't need to.  It won't remove my feelings, and there does need to be attraction to the partner.  Which i Have seen happen, some even saying their wife is the only person of the other gender they have ever been attracted to.

Now, i'm sure many of us have had parents, friends, church leaders or even ourselves worry  "if you don't get married in this life, you'll never be exhalted. 
That has never jived with me.  I don't think it's true.  I think the Lord is merciful and judges us on our heart.    Consider this passage from Lorenzo Snow

"A lady came into our office the other day and asked to see me on a private matter. She informed me that she felt very badly, because her opportunities for getting a husband had not been favorable. … She wanted to know what her condition would be in the other life, if she did not succeed getting a husband in this life. I suppose this question arises in the hearts of our young people. … I desire to give a little explanation for the comfort and consolation of parties in this condition. There is no Latter-day Saint who dies after having lived a faithful life who will lose anything because of having failed to do certain things when opportunities were not furnished him or her. In other words, if a young man or a young woman has no opportunity of getting married, and they live faithful lives up to the time of their death, they will have all the blessings, exaltation and glory that any man or woman will have who had this opportunity and improved it. That is sure and positive. 
People who have no opportunity of marrying in this life, if they die in the Lord, will have means furnished them by which they can secure all the blessings necessary for persons in the married condition. The Lord is merciful and kind, and He is not unjust. There is no injustice in Him; yet we could scarcely look upon it as being just when a woman or a man dies without having had the opportunity of marrying if it could not be remedied in the other life. There would be injustice in that, and we know that the Lord is not an unjust being. My sister Eliza R. Snow, I believe, was just as good a woman as any Latter-day Saint woman that ever lived, and she lived in an unmarried state until she was beyond the condition of raising a family. … I cannot for one moment imagine that she will lose a single thing on that account. It will be made up to her in the other life, and she will have just as great a kingdom as she would have had if she had had the opportunity in this life of raising a family.7"

Giving myself a pass on marriage, has really decreased my stress.  Realizng, i can be faithful, and not get married.  I needn't worry about being condemend.  I would love a family, and if somehow i become best friends with a lady-type and i am attracted to her, and kissing her is a fun activity, adn sometimes my heart rate rises when i'm around her, and she has similar responses to me, then great.  If not, I can be an awesome gay uncle, and travel.  Not as fun as being a dad, but still kinda fun.  

So that's my take on marriage right now.  Feeling good.  Heck, maybe i need to change the name of the blog.  But that'd take time and stuff.

Also, on referring to myself as gay rather than ssa...just trying it out.  I have issues, trying to get over hate and stuff.  I can be a gay mormon, and that doesn't mean i'm leaving the church.   the church lets people who identify as gay post on their profiles.  It's a lot less wordy than same sex attraction.  


Tuesday, November 12, 2013

The Reconciling Faith and Feelings Conference

The source of their contempt, the Reconciling Faith and Feelings Conference is in Provo this week.  Is great.  The purpose of the conference is to help people who want to stay in the church, or who aren't sure.  I went last year, it was very helpful.  It's also good for supporters of ssa people.  They have panels for church leaders and friends and family as well.

Edited to remove link and reference to the group

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Eat it Straighties, why you gotta be so girly!

"New scientific findings from the Center for Theoretical Study at Charles University in Prague, and The Academy of Sciences of the Czech Republic, indicate there is a very clear difference between the faces of straight men and the faces of gay men.  Perhaps the most intriguing discovery in the mountain of data collected by the team is that the faces of gay men were consistently ranked as more masculine than the faces of straight men."

All in good fun.