Thursday, November 14, 2013


I hear a lot of different opinions on marriage for ssa/gay mormons. 

Some saying the church says not to get married, some saying that it can fix it.

I appreciate this quote from Elder Oaks.  It aligns with where i stand

"PUBLIC AFFAIRS: Is heterosexual marriage ever an option for those with homosexual feelings?
ELDER OAKS: We are sometimes asked about whether marriage is a remedy for these feelings that we have been talking about. President Hinckley, faced with the fact that apparently some had believed it to be a remedy, and perhaps that some Church leaders had even counseled marriage as the remedy for these feelings, made this statement: “Marriage should not be viewed as a therapeutic step to solve problems such as homosexual inclinations or practices.” To me that means that we are not going to stand still to put at risk daughters of God who would enter into such marriages under false pretenses or under a cloud unknown to them. Persons who have this kind of challenge that they cannot control could not enter marriage in good faith.
On the other hand, persons who have cleansed themselves of any transgression and who have shown their ability to deal with these feelings or inclinations and put them in the background, and feel a great attraction for a daughter of God and therefore desire to enter marriage and have children and enjoy the blessings of eternity — that’s a situation when marriage would be appropriate.
President Hinckley said that marriage is not a therapeutic step to solve problems."

Which means, i might get married, but i don't need to.  It won't remove my feelings, and there does need to be attraction to the partner.  Which i Have seen happen, some even saying their wife is the only person of the other gender they have ever been attracted to.

Now, i'm sure many of us have had parents, friends, church leaders or even ourselves worry  "if you don't get married in this life, you'll never be exhalted. 
That has never jived with me.  I don't think it's true.  I think the Lord is merciful and judges us on our heart.    Consider this passage from Lorenzo Snow

"A lady came into our office the other day and asked to see me on a private matter. She informed me that she felt very badly, because her opportunities for getting a husband had not been favorable. … She wanted to know what her condition would be in the other life, if she did not succeed getting a husband in this life. I suppose this question arises in the hearts of our young people. … I desire to give a little explanation for the comfort and consolation of parties in this condition. There is no Latter-day Saint who dies after having lived a faithful life who will lose anything because of having failed to do certain things when opportunities were not furnished him or her. In other words, if a young man or a young woman has no opportunity of getting married, and they live faithful lives up to the time of their death, they will have all the blessings, exaltation and glory that any man or woman will have who had this opportunity and improved it. That is sure and positive. 
People who have no opportunity of marrying in this life, if they die in the Lord, will have means furnished them by which they can secure all the blessings necessary for persons in the married condition. The Lord is merciful and kind, and He is not unjust. There is no injustice in Him; yet we could scarcely look upon it as being just when a woman or a man dies without having had the opportunity of marrying if it could not be remedied in the other life. There would be injustice in that, and we know that the Lord is not an unjust being. My sister Eliza R. Snow, I believe, was just as good a woman as any Latter-day Saint woman that ever lived, and she lived in an unmarried state until she was beyond the condition of raising a family. … I cannot for one moment imagine that she will lose a single thing on that account. It will be made up to her in the other life, and she will have just as great a kingdom as she would have had if she had had the opportunity in this life of raising a family.7"

Giving myself a pass on marriage, has really decreased my stress.  Realizng, i can be faithful, and not get married.  I needn't worry about being condemend.  I would love a family, and if somehow i become best friends with a lady-type and i am attracted to her, and kissing her is a fun activity, adn sometimes my heart rate rises when i'm around her, and she has similar responses to me, then great.  If not, I can be an awesome gay uncle, and travel.  Not as fun as being a dad, but still kinda fun.  

So that's my take on marriage right now.  Feeling good.  Heck, maybe i need to change the name of the blog.  But that'd take time and stuff.

Also, on referring to myself as gay rather than ssa...just trying it out.  I have issues, trying to get over hate and stuff.  I can be a gay mormon, and that doesn't mean i'm leaving the church.   the church lets people who identify as gay post on their profiles.  It's a lot less wordy than same sex attraction.  



  1. I knew a gentleman who had married a widow, and because she was sealed to her deceased husband, she could not be sealed to this gentleman. It seemed totally unfair to me at the time that he very likely would never be sealed to a spouse, but eventually I came to the same conclusion. Anyone who is faithful with the opportunities that they have been given will be blessed with Eternal Life.