Wednesday, October 7, 2015


There is a sponge inside of me, nestled between the lungs next to the cockles of my heart. The sponge is anxiety  defeat  self hate anger.

The sponge starts small, but it grows.  It encroaches  on my lungs giving me shortness of breath. I feel like I will suffocate.  It presses on the spinal cord making my body tremble and quake.   It slowly chokes my brain of blood bringing wild hallucinations of dread and horror as I lose body control.

As it grows I try to ignore the pain. To focus on something else.  Food.  Pleasure.  Or I lie in bed incapacitated, as it grows to fill every crevice of my unresponsive body.

In the end I can't compress it back down to a manageable size.  Sometimes it shrinks on its own.   Sometimes a friend hugs me.  He hugs me so long and so tight the sponge has no where else to go.  He hugs me and my blood flows again. My chest breaths again.  And my limbs respond to my requests again.

Please give the hug.   I feel so alone and the sponge is growing.


  1. Dude! You might want to change the name of your blog. :-). I hope you get that hug soon. I'm amazed at how important it is to be loved and touched.

  2. If single, SSA and okay is not getting you the hugs and human touch that you need, maybe you should really consider coupled, gay and okay. It certainly worked for me. Man is that he might have joy. Do what you need to do to get genuine and honest joy.