Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Who has to die?

I think I know why my body is so big. There is a second person inside of me. I eat so much to keep him in. To keep him from escaping. It's my only defense. If he escapes I will die There is a second body inside this old body. No one knows it. This old body is Mormon. Is proper. Is chaste. The inner body burns with passion. Do the people I pass have any idea what is in me. Do the know what I am trying to hide? He wants to break out leave the shell and fly. I am old and dying. He is old, but still an infant. If you were to see his naked corpse you would see a man who should have been born years ago. But I have kept him in. He is still an embryo. And when he breaks out he won't know what to do. So I feed him. And I hope the food will substitute for his passion. That my secret yearnings never are birthed.

Monday, January 25, 2016

To former pals

Remember when you said we were best friends—when I didn’t ask you to

You said you wanted that role in my life.  To be there thru and through

Where are you now, what’s up with this crap, did I complain too much

I though a friend was there for bad when everything went to muck

Oh well.  I see, was it because I had a dumb crush on you

I thought it was safe, to be a friend with a straight guy who wanted to.

I’m sorry for the feelings so strong, that may have chased you away

But it just kinda sucks when my alleged best friend, suddenly stopped acting that way.

What are we now?  Who even knows.  We still do stuff from time to time

But from half my texts, you don’t even respond, and your wife gives me the line

That your busy and booked for the rest of the month—which is ok to me

It’s just I didn’t ask you to be my best friend, you claimed that spot willingly

And I opened myself.   And I thought we were close, but I guess for a queer fag like me

Best friend means more than you were able to give, your friendship is given sparingly

There’s a hole in my life, now that you’ve taken a step back, I’m sorry I scared you away

I didn’t want these feelings, and I’d leave them if I could.  But my efforts still leave me gay.

I would make a shell around my life and soul, to not let another friend in

But, being alone really sucks smelly butts, so it’s time to begin once again. 

Thursday, January 14, 2016


The warm comfortable lie Such is the lie that forgives our base actions Such is the lie that feigns comfort and help to the weak and weary, but, offers no solution Such is the lie that blocks us from our future Such is the lie that keeps us in our past This lie takes the wounded and comforts them in place, while they still lie wounded on the battlefield, with the enemy advancing The cold hard damning lie It hates, it destroys from within. It stops progression by fear. It tells us we have no potential. It tells us friends are not real. It tells us that we are second class. It tells us to stay in one place out of fear

The warm lie gives way to the cold lie as we try to leave the field.   No longer able to keep us in unknown danger with sweet nothings whispered in our ear, the beautiful nurse transforms into a wraith, a banshee, who will tear our psyche apart if we will not stay with her.

Her lies keep her there, she cannot follow, but can only call out.   Can only scream.  Can only use words to keep us with her.  For all her thrashing she is as powerless as we make her, or as strong.