Thursday, November 10, 2016

Four Corners

Four corners enclose the world. A swath of wood grain is the ground.
Here i die, but am safe. Here i steal, but am innocent. Here i lie, but my honor remains.
I seek your destruction, but remain your friend.
Outside these corners is different. The rule book vague. Do i make eye contact as they pass?
Do i say Hello to the one my heart latches to? Am i too eager? Am i not committed? Outside
the corners judgment is longer than a day and half the time rendered with secret verdict, of laws
I suppose it's an adventure. But you begin to write your own rules, the ones that seem to make
sense, then they are broken, by someone who hadn't read them. No book to appeal to.
Outside the corners is dangerous.
But here i am. Tuesday night, and the corners protect once again.
I own the world. I made you laugh. I made a poor trade.
But I always know what i should be doing. And failure is never final.
I know the four corners will only last so long. Someday the population will be 1. But here i am
safe. Here i am loved. Here my purpose is clear.
His name was Logan. We met. I didn't know what to do. We were outside the corners. Dice
rolls are much more dangerous here. Suddenly, i had a goal . To make him my best friend.
In the corners you throw all your resources into accomplishing your goal. Outside, you cannot.
But i did. At first it was fine. The rules in his book seemed to go along with mine. But i was
ignoring mine.
Guidance after guidance i disregarded. I did not want to worry about the resources poured into
this. I did not want to worry about what else i was letting lay fallow.
My goal was him.
I didn't catch him. He was uncatchable. Our winning conditions did not align. My winning
condition was impossible.
He had a girl in his sights.
Well, maybe, he will be ok with my odd winning conditions.
I lost. He left. 6 months of silence.
Then we chatted again. A new rules book was written. He had my heart, but i would proscribe
outer actions of love.
I would follow the rules, silently agreed upon.
And the friendship is good.
Sometimes i think of the pain i had when he left.
Sometimes i think of the pain of not knowing my winning condition.
Sometimes i think of the solace i find in those four corners. Where for a moment purpose
becomes clear. Where for a moment, i don't have to wonder what book to follow. where i am

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