Wednesday, December 6, 2017

He Leaves

He leaves.

Not a ton of sadness. There was potential. We laid a good groundwork.   Started to be friends.  Played frisbee.  You sent me girls to date.

I dropped the catalyst.  I didn’t need to.  I had kept it in reserve. 

It was a powerful catalyst that I had in abundance.  The abundance made me discount its power.  And it’s volatility.

So many of the reactions had been perfect.  I lobbed the element out to anyone I passed.

Except work.  Work could not have that. I knew the reaction would be poor.

So you were like many others.  Or so I thought.

One night I cast the catalyst at him.

He sent me girl after girl I could date.

I told him my desires for girls was inert.

I threw in the phrase.  I am gay.

It was by text.  So I couldn’t even see the reaction.

He said. “Cool man. Good night”

We didn’t talk any more.

I felt shame almost immediately.

I had no idea what he thought.

But. Things had changed. He was distant. Never mean. But distant.

I’m sure I didn’t help him.

And now he’s moving.   Just a few months after he moved in.

So. I’ve lost a potential friend.  Not a long term one.

But I’ve lost someone who could have been friendly.

I don’t know why.  But I guess my secret though less volatile, still has the potential to react poorly.

It’s not the end of the world.  It’s just the loss of a maybe.

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